I Should Share My Testimony

I would like to share a little about my background. Where it is I have come from spiritually, and how it is I have come to where I am now.

I was saved when I was twelve years old. For a good while, throughout most of my teenage years actually, I was really on fire for God. I would seek to learn more. I was always praying, reading scriptures, and seeking more of Him. I remember as a kid I would have elders from my church say, "God is going to use her". . . Then, at the age of seventeen I started to fall away.

For nearly a decade I really backslid. I guess it is like what the Bible says about pride coming before a fall. I was convinced that I would not backslide. There were times before my fall when I would pray and insist to God that I would never stray. That it just would not happen. That is one example, and for me a lesson learned. No matter where it is we may be at any given time, we cannott let our guard down. We cannot assume that we are beyond the reach of temptation, because that is not true, and if we do not think it could happen, then we will not be expecting the potential to arise. Therefore we will be weak when the test comes, when the trials arrive.

For me it started when I became heavily involved with a so-called 'Christian' group. Though as I got to know them better, I began to realise they really had more of a cult-like mentality and a grip on the people involved. As I noticed this I began to rebel against the group. Though I began to experience a blurring between the lines of truth and deception, because it had a lot of Christian teachings mixed in with the lies. What initially became my rebellion against that group grew into a rebellion against God as well. I was trying to move further and further away from them, and then doing things that I knew would be against what they would approve of. Though in the process I found myself doing this same thing with Biblical teachings as well, and only moved further away from my Lord.

You may have noticed that when someone who is a Christian strays from their faith in any manner, there seems to be almost an anger that comes with it. I have noticed this with my own experience, and I have seen this again and again in others. So many times you see someone who first professes their faith and then fall from it. . . there is an anger that replaces it. An anger against the Church, and an anger against God. I know I definitely felt that. Though at the same time I also felt a strong sense and hunger in my spirit, So I would seek out a means of filling that desire. I have always been one to do a lot of research, a lot of studying on anything that happened to catch my attention, and so I ended up doing a lot of study on various other religions and spiritualities.

Along the way, I began to adopt a different world-view. It started with my doing a lot of research into Wicca. There was about a year or two that I considered myself to be a wiccan. I would do a lot of research into it, read a lot of books, I had note journals, and supplies. Even though it was still around the beginning of my moving away from God, away from Jesus, He would still try to reach out and get my attention to let me know He was still there, waiting for me to notice.   

On one occasion when He was reaching out I had gone to the store, and I was getting some different items and candles that went along with the new path I was following. As I was looking at my stuff, all at once I heard the Lord's Prayer being recited right beside me. It was a big step for me, going in such a drastic direction away from Christ, and right beside me was a little boy standing in the book section. He had a children's Bible that had a little voice box on it with different buttons that could be pressed. He pressed the button to the Lord's Prayer. That definitely gave me a jolt and got my attention. I thought about it for a little while, but it was one of those things I just kind of brushed off as coincidence.

As I continued to move forward down this particular path, I found myself to be more of a pagan, as I decided my ideas at the time branched out further than what wicca taught. I would come up with my own ideas, and decided that pagan would be a more appropriate label. My mind frame and view point was just so different from what it had been when I was younger and in Christ. It was so radically different. When remembering how the Church elders from my past would talk about how they believed God was going to use me, I would find it humorous and sad at the same time. Humorous because I thought if only they knew how wrong they were, and sad because there was a part of me that would think back on where I was and had come from. I just did not see it being possible for me to ever be there again. Too much had changed, and too much had happened. I just did not see it being possible in any form, because of the way I viewed the world . . . everything was just too different. I could not comprehend the idea of coming back to Christ as I once had been.

The path that I had been on for about a decade kept progressing and transitioning along the way. After wicca had turned into more of paganism, it then became a mixture of paganism and new age beliefs. I really got into crystals, channeling, astrology, and other things that went along with it. I was just a whole other person. I saw it as my spiritual evolution from point A to Z. Even throughout all of this transition, there were still times here and there that God was trying to pull me back in. For a while different things were brought to my attention, things that I would dream about, and so much here and there that I would bury, not wanting to think about it.

I began to notice within the new age teachings I had gotten into was the notion that we are our own gods. I recognised this was the same thought that caused Lucifer himself to fall, wanting to become like God. It was also the same lie he used against Eve in the garden, which led to the fall of mankind into sin. Then with the channelings I began to notice it sounded more like what I would read about while I was in Christ. I began to wonder if these "ascended beings" were really demons whispering lies.

Not long after I began to notice these things I came across a link to a Christian on Youtube. This was back when they first started talking about the swine flue on the news. I went to her channel because she was a soldier who was talking about the swine flu. So I was curious about what she had to say. It was through her that I discovered Millie's channel. There was something about the things she said, though at the time I didn't realise why they were creating such an affect on me. I realise now it is because God anointed her. She was very strong in the Spirit and spoke in the Spirit. Despite feeling a resistance to what she was saying I was drawn to watch her videos. To pay attention to what she was saying. The fact that I was watching them was amazing because I still had that anger within me that was directed towards anything dealing with God. I would watch those videos, and as I watched I would still argue in my mind with what she was saying. Though again I kept finding myself drawn back to listen to more. This went on for a period of months. It was no longer just the videos. There were other things going on. More things being brought to my attention.  There was a battle raging in my mind. Though little by little I began opening up to these pullings of the Spirit. Until quite surprisingly and unexpectedly a full transition occurred.

One night after having gone through some Christian materials about prayer, I could feel the Spirit had lifted things back up within me that I had not felt in years. It was so familiar, and never ever had I thought I would feel this again. Still skeptical in the back of my mind I thought it might just be an emotional response. I wondered how I would feel in the following morning. Though I felt such a spiritual high from it. The next day I was talking with my mom about this, and she said that she had goosebumps, and that, "You're Brandy again! I haven't heard you talk this way in ages!"

What I felt that night did not fizzle out the next day, but only continued. I am not saying it has been an easy journey. There has definitely been spiritual struggle along the way. The difference is this time, even with all the struggle, I still have the Spirit moving within me. I can feel the Spirit within me. I am in Christ. I know where I stand and I know Who I belong to. I can feel the Spirit leading me and guiding me as I go. The things that are put on my mind even, I know it is not me, not my thoughts. Things are just so different. So real and alive! Since then there has been so much progress and growth. Like I mentioned earlier, I did not imagined I could be that way again. However now God has taken me even further than where I was before. I know that it is Him, because in all of my searching, never did anything else ever feel like this.

There was one occasion I wondered if I had really come back to God. I came across a teaching saying that if you were ever in Christ and fell away, there was no coming back. So I began to worry and wonder. I finally I began praying about my concern. Immediately, I felt the Spirit rise up in me. I felt that I was being told I knew better, that I knew God was with me. Then those doubts were pushed out of me and God gave me a peace.

I've discovered it is almost like you can have a two way conversation with God when praying and in the Spirit. A lot of people think it is only a one way thing, but really it is not. When you are in Christ, when you truly are Spirit filled; when you pray and you have learned how to just stop and pay attention, you actually do get feedback. It is not in the way that people might think of it though. You will not just be sitting there and hear this great voice booming down at you, giving you an answer. You can feel His response though. It comes into your mind. I wish I could explain it in such a way that would make it clear to those who have not experienced it. But it truly is amazing.

If you have not come to Christ yet, or if you once did but you fell away, I want to encourage you to just talk to God. Pray to Him. If you are not at the point where you feel you can give yourself over to Him, still, just talk to Him. You would be amazed at how much can happen, how much can change just by talking to Him. You would be amazed at the answers you can get when you pray. Even if you feel like you are not getting answers right away, do not give up. It can happen during an instance where you come across a quote, or video. Or you might be talking to someone and you will notice something that is said is exactly what you were praying about. God answers in so many ways, so pray and pay attention. There is nothing like Christ.
You may be asking, "What does it take to be saved?" Repentance is the key issue. Sincerely repenting. Not just saying something in your mind with no real thought or emotion, but feeling what you are saying to God and truly meaning what you say. Repent of all of your sins, and ask Him to come into your life. When Christ actually comes into your life, this changes you. It can't NOT change you. It is not that you will not ever struggle, but you will have it in your heart to become obedient.

If you truly have the Holy Spirit in you, and if you have truly come to Christ, you WILL be changed. I cannot encourage you enough, I really can't. Even if you do not think you are ready yet, search out an answer, search God out and see. Do not just look at Christians you know or the church that you know. Christians are supposed to be His representatives in the world but unfortunately many are not representing Him very well. There are a lot of people out there who have decided against God, against Jesus, based on what they are seeing within the church. Do not assume that what you see in the Church represents who He is. I made that mistake, even though back then before I backslid, I preached against it. I said we should not judge Him by the people who serve Him, but I forgot that lesson myself. Just search Jesus out. Go to Him in prayer and in His word. Search Him out for yourself.